


The Devil's Love Song

by QueenieZ



Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Adult Content, Drama, F/M, Horror, Original Character(s), Psychological Drama, Psychological Horror, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 20:46:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/299884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenieZ/pseuds/QueenieZ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a shadow lurking in all of us. When clouded by fear and doubt, good intentions turn bad, and heroes become monsters they never wanted to become...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> The Devil's Love Song is a Lloyd/Colette horror/drama fanfiction that started its life as a comic script. However, because my art is so okay it's average, I decided to rewrite it in prose.
> 
> I spent a good year working on this, and I still consider it one of my favorites. Later chapters pull a bit of an Evangelion in the way that it kind of reflected my own depression at the time I initially wrote it (although the prose version was finished long after I'd gotten better). As a result, it's very close to my heart and I hope you all enjoy it.

  
_One need not be a chamber to be haunted;  
One need not be a house;  
The brain has corridors surpassing  
Material place._

-Emily Dickenson

\---

 _Mommy? Mommy? Where are you, Mommy? Why did you go?_

 _Was it 'cause of me? Was it my fault, Mommy?_

 _It's all my fault... I'm sorry Mommy. I wasn't strong like Daddy._

 _I'll get stronger, Mommy. I'll get lots stronger. I'll get stronger, and then..._

\---

The sun shone brightly through the leaves of a great oak tree, casting shadows on the ground that danced to the tune of the gently swaying branches. Somewhere nearby, a bird chirped, its call disturbing the sleep of the boy who had nestled himself in the tree's shade. Slowly, he opened his eyes, contemplating whether or not he should abandon the comfort of his sleeping bag in favor of facing the new day. He might have decided not to, opting to rest for just a while longer, had a familiar voice not interrupted him.

"Good morning, Lloyd!"

Lloyd groggily turned over to see Colette hovering over him with her usual warm smile. He rubbed his eyes.

"Hey Colette," he mumbled. "Can't I have five more minutes...?"

Colette giggled and shook her head. "Oh Lloyd," she said, "you sleepy-head. If we don't make it to Meltokio by lunchtime Zelos will be awfully worried."

He supposed she was right. It had been a while - what, three or four months? He couldn't quite count in his morning daze - since they had last visited the imperial city, and their good friend, Zelos. Even Lloyd had begun to miss his obnoxious mouth and perverted shenanigans. So he and Colette arranged to meet up with the former Chosen for a few days, taking a much-needed break from their exsphere collecting.

"Okay, okay," he yawned, slowly peeling the top of the sleeping bag off of him, "I'm up."

"Good!" said Colette, clasping her hands together. "I'll go get breakfast ready, then. We'll leave as soon as we're finished, okay?"

Lloyd nodded and watched her walk back towards the campfire. It was strange, he thought. Without the others, traveling around and camping out was... well, it just wasn't the same. But for some reason, as long as Colette was around, everything seemed to be okay. Even on the days that didn't go so well, he could always count on her to be a bright and cheerful as ever. After all, she always was the friend he knew would be there for him no matter what.

He stood up and stretched, rolling his head from side to side to wake up. Once he was alert, the boy reached into his bag and pulled out his gloves and boots.


	2. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit to an old friend turns sour after Colette is harassed by a belligerent stranger.

"Zelos! It's so good to see you again!"

"I know, long time no see, huh?"

At the doorstep of the Chosen's mansion stood Zelos and his two former companions. Although the redhead was known for his nonchalant attitude and cynical nature, the expression on his face was one of sincere delight at the sight of his friends. It really had been too long since he'd seen Lloyd and Colette, he realized.

"So," said Lloyd, placing his hands casually behind his head, "how have you been? Busy?"

Zelos made a flippant gesture. "You don't know the _half_ of it, guys. Getting things done around here - it's a real pain in the ass, you know? Meetings, papers, bugging the king - you know, the works."

Colette giggled. "Wow, sounds important! I'm sure everyone appreciates all that you're doing!"

"Hey, I'm just getting started!" he replied, striking a pose. "The Great Zelos Wilder, Defender of the Innocent! ...Pretty cool, huh? I think it has a nice ring to it!"

"Some things never changed," sighed Lloyd. He suddenly felt himself being pulled over by the older man.

"So, Bud," he whispered, "you two _lovebirds_ up to anything?"

Lloyd could feel something catching in his throat. "L... _lovebirds!?_ "

"Well, duh!" Zelos looked around before continuing. "After all, hanging out with a cutie like Colette... I bet you guys are _alone_ a lot...!"

"Shut up!"

He cackled at the boy's bashful reaction, slapping him hard on the back. "Settle down, man! I was just messing with you!"

"Zelos?" said Colette, tilting her head to one side, "Lloyd? What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, my dear!" answered Zelos, grinning from ear to ear. "Anyway, there's this place that just opened up I'd like to show you two. Now come on," he took Colette's hand, kissing it lightly, "we mustn’t be late!"

Lloyd watched them out of the corner of his eye. Immediately, he knew that something wasn't right. The sight of her hand in his, the sound of her giggling at his kiss - it tied a knot in the swordsman's stomach. It made him tense. But _why_? This wasn't the first time Zelos pulled something like this, he knew that; but the thought of Colette with _him_ was...

"Come on, Lloyd!" called Colette from a few yards away.

He started out of his thoughts, pushing that feeling - whatever it was - out of his mind, for now. "Coming!" he answered as he ran to catch up with them.

\---

"Well, here it is, guys. Pretty neat, huh?"

Zelos motioned to the building before them, one that hadn't been there the last time his two friends had stopped by. There were a couple of tables and chairs outside, surrounded by a small garden with freshly planted flowers. Although the latticed building wasn't quite as extravagant as the grand mansions at the northern end of the city, it did seem warm and welcoming, a pleasant sight to the two visitors.

"Wow, it's so pretty!" exclaimed Colette. "Is it a restaurant?"

"You bet it is. My friends," Zelos walked over to the sign, placing a hand on it, "weclome to Cafe Wilder, Meltokio's finest in dining and drink."

Lloyd couldn't help but snort. "Cafe Wilder?" he snickered, "You named it after yourself?"

The red-head scoffed, offended. "It's a great name!" he insisted. "After all, I did pay for it to be built. Plus," he flipped his hair behind his shoulder and continued, "over three-fourths of the profits go towards reconstruction efforts in Ozette and Palmacosta. If that's not philanthropy, I don't know what is."

Colette beamed. "That's wonderful, Zelos!"

"I have to admit," added Lloyd with a grin, "that's a pretty cool idea!"

"Of course it is!" Zelos held the door open for them. "I hope you're hungry - and don't worry about cash, I'll treat you."

"Whoa, really!?" the young swordsman's eyes brightened. "Great! I'm starving!" He rushed inside, eager to see what was on the menu. Colette laughed and followed him. Glancing at his choices, Lloyd pointed to an entree and motioned towards a waitress.

"Uh, excuse me, could you tell me what "Beef a la Provencale" is?"

"Certainly," replied the waitress with a smile. "It's a beef stew seasoned with garlic and herbs, and served with carrots, olives, tomatoes -"

Lloyd made a face. "On second thought, I think I'll keep looking."

Meanwhile, Colette had taken to admiring the atmosphere of the cafe. It was certainly inviting, filled with the noises of friendly chatter and the smells of delicious dishes. Even the waiters and waitresses seemed happy to be of service - to finally earn a living for themselves in a society dominated by a gap between the rich and the poor. She began to walk towards the table a server had prepared for them, when suddenly, she felt her foot catch on something, nearly tripping in the process. After regaining her balance, the girl looked down to see a small pouch of money in the middle of the floor.

"Uh-oh," she thought aloud, "someone dropped their wallet..." She picked up the wallet and looked around. Near the entrance, she spotted a young man talking to a waiter - perhaps he was the one who lost it? Colette walked over to his table.

"Excuse me? Mister?" she asked, "Did you drop -"

The man's hand hit the table with a loud _bang_. "What the _hell_!?" he yelled at the waiter, "I thought I told you nincompoops to put _extra_ olives on my sandwich!!"

The waiter recoiled in surprise. "I-I apologize, sir! We seem to be running short on olives today..."

The enraged customer tossed his sandwich on the floor. "I don't give a damn how many olives you have! When this gets back to me, I want _extra_ olives, got that!?"

"Y-yes sir! Right away!" The intimidated waiter hurried off.

Colette gulped. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea... but, even if he was rude, he should still get his wallet back, right?

"...M-mister? Did you drop this?"

The man looked at her, eyeing her up and down. He grinned. "Well, ain’t _you_ a cutie?"

The girl simply blinked at him. Then, to her surprise, he simply snatched the wallet out of her hands.

"Yeah, it's mine," he said, tossing the bag up and down in his hand. "Must've dropped it when I walked in." He sat the wallet on the table and turned his attention back to Colette. "You don't see a good little girl too often these days... how about a little reward?"

"N-no, no, it's okay! I don't need any -"

Before she could finish, the man grabbed her by the hand. "I don't mean _that_ kind of reward!" He pulled her into his booth and onto his lap, grinning smugly as he held her arms tightly. "How’s about coming back to ol’ Tybalt’s place for a little fun? You’d look real good with all my other babes!"

In a panic, Colette wriggled and kicked. "Let me go!" she cried, "Let me _go_...!"

"Don't worry, baby!" laughed Tybalt, "I'll make sure you get treated _real_ good!"

" _Hey_!!"

He glanced up to see Lloyd's icy glare fixed on him. He raised an eyebrow.

"The hell do _you_ want, punk?"

Lloyd yanked his arm away from Colette, allowing her to escape his grasp. She quickly ran behind the swordsman, watching him intently as he faced her attacker.

"Don't you _ever_ do that to my friend again, asshole!" Lloyd shouted.

Tybalt looked at the boy, then at the girl behind him. He burst into laughter.

"Listen, buddy," he said, standing from his seat and towering a good four inches above Lloyd, "do you have any idea who you're talking to? I could beat your ass any day of the week!" He prodded Lloyd in the chest with his finger. "So don't even think about messing with me, got that?"

"Why should I!?" he spat back, unfazed, "There’s no way I’ll let you talk to Colette that way!"

Tybalt narrowed his eyes. "I talk to my women the way I wanna talk to them, brat!" He then looked back at Colette and grinned. "Besides... the slut _does_ have a pretty little tush, doesn't she?"

Somewhere, it was like a time bomb had gone off in Lloyd. The way he talked so vulgarly about her... the way he had _violated_ her... there was no way in hell he was going to forgive him for something like that! His rage boiling over, he grabbed Tybalt by the shoulder and threw him onto the ground before punching him repeatedly in the face.

"Lloyd!" cried Colette as she reached for her friend. However, Zelos managed to reach him first, grabbing him by the suspenders and yanking him back.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Lloyd!?" asked Zelos, "You trying to get yourself killed!?"

"That bastard... he... he...!!"

The redhead frowned. "You calm down," he said, letting Lloyd go, "I'll take care of this."

"Shit..." murmured Tybalt as he wiped some blood from his nose.

Zelos knelt over the injured man and smirked. "Well, well, if it isn't good old Tibby Mercutio!"

Tybalt shot a glare at him before springing to his feet. "What do you want, Wilder!?"

The Chosen stood again. "Not much; I just thought that you would know better than to treat a lady like that."

"Coming from _you_?" Tybalt spat, "Ha! You're the biggest player in this entire goddamn city!"

"Well, there _is_ a reason I get laid more than you."

A series of snickers came from the crowd that had gathered around the scene. Tybalt seethed.

"You do know I own this place, right?" asked Zelos, pointing at the troublemaker, "See, you can either pick a fight with me and my buds and get thrown out of here, or you could be a big boy and just walk away. After all, I'm sure neither of us want to get our hands dirty." He smiled. "Well?"

Tybalt scoffed. "Fine. Have it your way," he said, turning back towards the doorway. "But the next time I see you or your little friend, your asses are mine!" He flung open the door. "Damn aristocratic prick."

As soon as he left, Zelos ran a hand through his hair. "Good freakin' riddance," he said under his breath before turning towards the crowd. "All right, people, show’s over! Nothing to see here!"

"Lloyd, are you okay?" asked Colette worriedly.

Lloyd sighed. "Yeah," he replied, "I'm fine." His face hardened. "But what about you? If that creep hurt you I'll -"

"Don't worry about it."

"Don't worry about it!?" he asked angrily, "He was - I couldn't just let him _do_ that to you!"

"I’m okay, though. Really." Colette smiled at him. "He didn’t hurt me, so don’t worry, okay?"

He simply stared at her. Even with her ever unwavering smile, he knew it wasn't okay. That facade of cheerfulness only served to cover up a lifelong curse of pain and suffering, and of all people, Lloyd certianly knew this the most.

"Come on, guys," said Zelos, placing a comforting hand on Colette's shoulder, "let's head back to my place."

It wasn't fair. It was never fair. Such a good person shouldn't have to suffer so much. However, as Lloyd opened the door and stepped back into the streets of Meltokio, one thought crushed him the most: He had always been powerless to save her.


	3. Strength

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unable to have spared Colette from being harassed and humiliated, a guilt-ridden Lloyd is promised strength by a mysterious shadow.

Tybalt Mercutio. That jackass who harassed her. That dirty, lousy, no-good _thug_ who laid his filthy hands on Colette. The incident at the cafe - it was all Lloyd could think about for the rest of the afternoon. What was that bastard planning on _doing_ to her? What would have happened to her if he and Zelos hadn't stepped in? Why couldn't he have been faster - why couldn't he have stopped it from happening?

Questions filled Lloyd's mind as he lay on his friend's sofa, his body tense and his brow furrowed. Thanks to Zelos, he knew what kind of a sick, twisted person this Tybalt was - a sex trafficker from the slums, notorious for his bellicose nature and for treating women like objects. If events hadn't occurred the way they did, would he have tried to make Colette a part of his "business"? Or worse...

"Lloyd?"

He sat up suddenly, surprised. "Oh, Colette... you startled me."

Colette bit her lip. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't apologize, you didn't do anything wrong."

"Sorr-" She stopped herself and smiled. "...See? I'm getting better!"

Lloyd couldn't help but smile back. Even with the earlier incident still weighing on his mind, Colette's smile just seemed contagious. However, her smile soon gave way for a look of concern.

"But Lloyd," she said, "is something wrong? You've been so serious all day... is it because of...?"

He sighed. "I guess it was obvious," he answered, running a hand through his hair. "It's just - I don't know, I just keep worrying about what might have happened if -"

"Lloyd. Don't worry about it."

"What?"

"Don't worry about it," she repeated. "It was my fault anyway. If I hadn't tried to talk to him, then..."

Lloyd shot out of his seat, glaring at Colette directly in the eye. "Stop it!" he shouted, "Stop saying that! It's not your fault - it was never your fault!"

Colette recoiled in surprise at her friend's sudden outburst.

"All your life," he continued, his fists shaking and his eyes filling with angry tears, "all your life you've had to carry the weight of being the Chosen... you've had to sacrifice so much..."

"Lloyd -"

"I'm sorry, Colette!" cried Lloyd, "I'm so sorry! If I had known... I could have stopped that guy from hurting you. It’s not fair that you have to suffer all the time!!"

"Lloyd, don't!" Colette took a hold of his arms, desperate to calm him down. "Please, don't do this to yourself!"

He slowly stopped shaking as he looked down, fighting the tears that were trying to escape. "I wasn't strong enough," he said quietly, "I couldn't do anything to stop it." He stepped out of her grasp and turned away. "I'm sorry."

The girl could only watch as Lloyd disappeared up the staircase, unable to console or bear the burden of his grief.

\---

" _Goddammit!!_ "

A pillow hit the opposite wall, thrown with such great force as to rattle a nearby vase. Lloyd was angry - angry at the pillow, angry at Tybalt, angry at Cruxis, the angels, the entire damned system he fought so hard to destroy - but most of all, he was angry at himself. A hero? Yeah, right. He could save both of the two worlds but not a single little girl.

He contemplated throwing another pillow, but suddenly found himself drained of his energy and rage. Instead, he flopped down on the bed, clutching his pillow tightly in his hands. Why did it have to be _her_? Why did it have to be someone so kind; so precious to everyone she knew? She was too good to deserve this pain - yet he couldn't do a single thing to stop it. He was too weak.

If only he had been stronger...

 _What is it that you want?_

Lloyd shot up and looked around the room. "Who said that?"

 _You want strength, don't you?_

He jumped out of bed and spun around. "Zelos? Colette? Is that you...?"

 _You want the strength to protect Colette, don't you?_

Out of the corner of his eye, Lloyd thought he saw a shadow creeping across the wall. "Wh-who are you!? What do you want!?"

 _I can give you that strength._

The swordsman froze. This voice - it was as if it had been reading his mind! A bead of sweat rolled down his temple as he approached the shadow.

"What's going on?" he asked, "What are you talking about!?"

"Lloyd?"

He quickly turned around to see Zelos standing in the doorway. Then he looked back to where the shadow had been, only to find it completely gone. He sighed with relief.

"Oh... it's just you, Zelos."

Zelos narrowed his eyes at Lloyd, as if he was thinking.

"...W-what?"

He jumped at Lloyd, grabbing him by the shoulders and putting him into a firm headlock. "That's no way to greet your best friend, Bud!" he teased.

"Ack!" cried the brunette, "Get off!"

"Why should I?" Zelos laughed as he gave his friend a rough noogie, "You saving yourself for _Colette_? Huh?"

Lloyd shoved the older man off and walked back to his bed.

"...Hey, come on," said Zelos, "can't you take a joke?"

"Not now, Zelos. I'm not in the mood."

The redhead scoffed. "Fine, be that way, Grumpy McDorkface."

Lloyd raised an eyebrow.

Ignoring Lloyd's annoyance, Zelos plopped down on the other bed and kicked off his shoes. "Oh, and speaking of Colette," he began, tossing his duster towards the other side of the room, "that was really cool of you to stand up for her like that."

Lloyd ignored him and said nothing.

"No, really, I mean it," said Zelos. "Tibby was a real asshole back there. You did good to get her out of harm's way." He grinned. "Besides, it was pretty funny when you started punching the crap out of him!" He imitated the punch, slamming a fist into his own hand.

The younger boy stayed silent for a while. Finally, without even glancing back, he broke it.

"...Hey, Zelos?"

"Yeah?"

"...Nevermind."

Another silence; then, a yawn from Zelos. "Suit yourself," he said, tossing the covers over himself. "G'night."

It wasn't long before the Chosen's snores filled the room, but it wouldn't be so easy for Lloyd to fall into slumber. The events of that day and that strange voice all lingered in his head. He did everything he could, but it still wasn't enough... was there really a way he could become stronger - stronger for himself; stronger for Colette? Perhaps there was something he could finally do right for her.

He just hoped that he wasn't going mad.


	4. Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haunted by thoughts and shadows that shouldn't even exist, Lloyd discovers the secret he had always kept hidden - and the strength to fight for who he loves.

_Every morning he would set a flower on her gravestone. It was what he had always done since he was a child. And every morning, without fail, he would speak with her, telling her everything that was going on in his life - telling her how much he missed her. It was his daily ritual; Lloyd's way of holding on to the memory of his late mother._

 _"Good morning, Mom," he said, laying a pink morning glory near the headstone. "I hope you're happy, wherever you are." He smiled. "Everything's going fine with the exsphere collecting. Me and Colette have already taken care of a ton of them. I... I hope you're proud of me."_

 _He traced his hand over his mother's name. Anna Irving - Lloyd hardly knew her, and yet, he missed her so much. "Mom, I've been thinking about you lately," he said, looking at the ground. "If there was something I could have done to save you - if there was something I could have done to bring you back, I'd..."_

 _Suddenly, Lloyd's fingers brushed over an unfamiliar etching in the gravestone. He glanced up and was shocked to see another name - "Colette Brunel"._

\---

Lloyd shot up in his bed, nearly thrashing the sheets off in the process. He was still in Zelos' room - it was just a dream. Just a silly dream. But, if it was just a silly dream... why was he shaking so badly...? And that voice, that shadow from last night - what was it trying to tell him? Was that "dream" actually -

He heard a knock at the door. "Lloyd?" said the person outside, "can I come in?"

The boy was instantly relieved to hear Colette's voice. He took a deep breath to calm his shaky nerves. "Yeah... come in."

She carefully opened the door. Lloyd saw that her hands were nearly full, carrying a tray filled with pancakes, bacon, and sausage. She smiled at him.

"I brought you breakfast!" she said as she headed towards the bed. However, she lost her balance and began to wobble. Just as Lloyd was about to jump out of bed and catch her, she steadied herself, narrowly avoiding a messy outcome.

"Whew, that was close!" giggled Colette. She handed the tray to Lloyd. "Here you go!"

"Thanks," replied Lloyd before taking a bite of pancake. His eyes widened as he swallowed. "Wow, Colette, this is really good! Did you make this?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I wanted to make something special for you." She glanced down at her hands. "I noticed you were really sad yesterday... and I don't like it when you're sad." Then she smiled back at her friend. "So I made you all your favorite things for breakfast! I even put extra syrup on the pancakes!"

Lloyd just looked at her, a gentle smile of his own creeping across his face. "It's just how I like it," he said.

"Really? That's great!" She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and continued. "Just... be happy, okay? You're my best friend in the whole world. I don't want you to feel so guilty about everything."

"Colette... I..."

"Hmm?"

He shook his head. "It's nothing. ...Thanks for everything, Colette."

"No problem!" Colette headed back towards the door. "Enjoy your breakfast!"

Lloyd took another bite as he watched her leave. Once the door shut behind her, however, he became uneasy. He wanted to jump out of bed; to follow Colette, to be with her, to keep her beside him. With her, he was happy. No matter what kind of pain or guilt he held, she always seemed to make it better. But when she was gone... when he couldn't keep her by his side...

Suddenly, Lloyd swore that he saw a wave of golden hair next to the window. No, it couldn't be - she just left the room a few seconds ago! Yet, there she stood, as bright and cheerful as ever, looking wistfully out of the window.

"Colette - how did you -"

"Lloyd," she said softly, "why do you want me?"

"W-what are you talking about...?"

"Why do you want me so much?"

The question made Lloyd's stomach turn. It was true - he wanted to be with her, more than anything - but he couldn't even give her an answer. "I... I don't know."

 _Is it because she's beautiful?_

"She... she's pretty..." That voice again... he looked around the room for anyone who could have spoken to him, but saw only shadows.

 _Is it because she's kind?_

"She's the kindest person I know." A different voice - a more familiar one this time. Who was it? What were they trying to tell him...?

 _Is it because she gives you hope?_

"I... maybe..." He finally recognized the voices. They were _their_ voices. They were the voices of his friends, his family. He knew he couldn't be hearing them - it was impossible! - and yet, their questions weighed heavily on him, as if he was compelled to answer them.

 _Or is it because she gives you a purpose?_

"A... purpose...?"

 _A reason to live. A reason for you to exist. You want to protect her, don’t you?_

Lloyd clutched his sheets tightly. "I... of course! I’d do anything to keep her safe!"

 _Because protecting her makes you feel useful. Protecting her gives you satisfaction. Protecting her makes you feel appreciated and loved._

Every word they spoke seemed to dig deep into Lloyd's very core. These voices were relentlessly picking him apart, piece by piece, discovering thoughts and feelings he never even knew were there. His reality was slipping away as shadows clouded his vision and an onslaught of untapped emotions raged within him.

"I..." he said weakly, "I don't understand... Colette is the reason I live? But that's..."

 _You desire to protect her is what keeps you alive. The hope that you can always be with her is what allows you to go on._

He suddenly found himself laying on the bed, a familiar hand caressing his face. She was there, too - there, lying with him, her face enticingly close to his.

"Lloyd," she said, her face glowing with gentleness and affection, "you want me, don't you? You've always wanted me, right?"

"I...I...!"

"Don’t you want to hold me? Kiss me? Be together with me forever and ever?" She leaned closer and whispered in his ear. "Because you love me... right...?"

She was right. He saw it clearly now. That deep, precious secret he had kept hidden from himself for so long had finally been brought to light. He loved her. He loved everything about her. He loved her face, her smile, her unfailing love - and he wanted it all. He wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to see that smiling face every single day for the rest of his life. But he couldn't keep failing her. He wanted to protect her - no, he _had_ to protect her, even if it meant loosing everything!

Lloyd took her in his arms. "Colette... please, tell me!" he pleaded. "How can I protect you? How can I save you!?"

Colette's image vanished, leaving the boy empty and helpless. As he sat up, desperately trying to find her again, he saw another vision at the foot of his bed - himself.

"You know what you must do," said the vision. "Become stronger. Fight for her, make sure no one can take her away from you." He extended his hand to Lloyd. "Because _you_ need her."

Lloyd stared at this mirror image. He knew he was right. He understood everything now. Colette was the reason he was alive - to protect her was the reason he was born. Without her, he was nothing. He reached out and took his hand, sealing the vow he had already made in his heart.

He would do whatever it took to keep her safe. He would do whatever it took to keep her beside him. Even if it meant doing the impossible, even if it meant risking everything, he would never again fail the person he loved.

He would _fight_.


	5. Corrosion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Imbued with new strength, Lloyd's behavior begins to take a change for the erratic, while his friends begin to wonder - and worry.

_Colette... I know I've been a failure. I know I couldn't save you or keep you away from the pain you never deserved. If there was a way I could go back and make it all better for you... I'd give anything to be able to._

 _I've always known just how good you were. I've always known how much you deserved to live a happy life. But I never realized just how much you meant to me. Everything bad I've ever done, every mistake I've ever made... you make it all better. When you call me a hero, when I can do something to save you - that's when I feel loved. That's when I feel wanted. That's when I feel_ alive _._

 _That's why I've made up my mind. I'm tired of watching you suffer. I'm tired of seeing you hurt. I want you here, with me, safe. Colette, I promise you - I_ swear _to you - I'll do whatever it takes to protect you, even if it means I have to give up everything._

 _So, please... don't leave me..._

\---

Lloyd walked down the staircase and into Zelos' living room. To his surprise, the redhead wasn't even there. However, that didn't matter much to Lloyd - he had never felt so ready to face anything in his life. He was about ready to march back to Cafe Wilder and beat that bastard Tybalt to a pulp for _violating_ the person he cared for the most... but that could wait.

He looked around the room. No sign of Colette, or even Zelos' butler Sebastian, for that matter. Peeking into the kitchen, he noticed that it was all clean - odd, considering the big breakfast Colette had made earlier. He then headed towards the couch, only to discover that it was already taken.

Colette was there, lying on the couch, sound asleep. Lloyd figured that she must have been tired from cleaning up after herself. Of course, she would be so polite as to not leave a mess in someone else's kitchen. It was just one more thing Lloyd could love about her.

He approached the sleeping figure and crouched onto the ground, watching her intently. He smiled. She was so _cute_ when she slept, the way she smiled in her sleep, the way her chest would rise and fall and she breathed - things he had seen, but never quite noticed before now. In a small gesture of affection, he reached out to play with a strand of her hair.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?"

Lloyd quickly stood up, startled by the voice. There, he came face to face with his image, which sat next to her on the sofa, gently petting her head.

"I..." Lloyd blushed.

The doppelganger grinned. "Of course she is. You've always thought so." He looked at Colette again. "Something so beautiful, so angelic... something so _pure_ shouldn't have to keep suffering, right?"

The boy narrowed his eyes. "Of course not," he replied.

"That's where _you_ come in," the other said, running his fingers through her hair. "Obviously, no one else can see what you see. No one else knows just how precious she is. That's why they wanted to hurt her - they don't know her like you know her." He looked up at Lloyd. " _They_ don't care about her like you do."

Of course, it made perfect sense - after all, if they really cared about her, why did they want her to die? Why did Cruxis try to take her body? Why did people like Tybalt keep tormenting her, despite everything she ever did for them!? She loved the world, but the world wanted her dead. It was despicable. It was _wrong_.

"That's why," said the image, standing up and looking Lloyd straight in the eye, " _you_ have to keep her safe. _You_ have to give her the love and care no one else could." He glared at him. "Do you understand?"

" _Oh, Hunnies!_ " called an obnoxious voice from the doorway, "I'm _home_!"

Colette rubbed her eyes and sat up. "Zelos?" she asked groggily, "You're back already?"

In the blink of an eye, Lloyd's double had vanished into thin air. Somewhat startled by this, he turned to greet his friend at the doorway.

"Z-Zelos!" he said, "Where did you head off to?"

"Oh, just to pick up a couple of things," he said as he sat down a bag of various goods on a nearby table. "I gave Sebastian the weekend off, and since cute little Colette here was so busy with breakfast, I decided to do the errands myself."

It was then that Colette noticed Lloyd next to the couch. "Oh, Lloyd! I didn't know you came down!" She smiled. "Did you like your breakfast."

He smiled back. "It was delicious."

Zelos laughed. "Aww, it's like you two are married already," he joked, sitting down on the couch next to Colette. "A shame, really, that I won't stand a change with you, my pretty little angel."

"Zelos!" she said, turning a bright shade of red.

Lloyd looked at them, disgusted. Angry. _Betrayed_. Here he had vowed to be Colette's keeper, and now this - this traitor, his _friend_! - he wanted to have her for himself! He couldn't have her - he _wouldn't_ have her!

"Oh, but it's true!" Zelos put a hand to his heart. "It breaks my heart! Surely, destiny wouldn't be so cruel as -"

"Zelos."

He got a look at Lloyd's stern face. "Hey, chill out, buddy, you know I was just joking!"

"I need to tell you something," said Lloyd, turning towards the kitchen. "In private."

The two Chosens looked at each other before Zelos stood up and followed him. When they reached the kitchen, the older man raised an eyebrow.

"Geez, way to be a grouch," he said. "Did you not sleep very well or -"

He was interrupted by a gloved hand reaching for his throat and pinning him to the wall.

"Lloyd!? What the hell are you...!?"

"Shut up and listen," said Lloyd, his words edged with an almost inhuman anger. "Don't you ever - _ever_ \- talk to Colette that way again! If you do, I'll kill you! I'll _kill_ you!!"

Zelos couldn't believe his ears. "What the fuck is _wrong_ with you - _ack_!"

The enraged swordsman squeezed tighter. "I said _shut up_!!" he screamed. "I need her. _I_ need her, do you hear me!? No one could ever care about her like I do. Not you, not anybody! And I’ll never let someone like _you_ take her away from me!!" He took a knife from the countertop and pointed it at Zelos' face. " _You can't have her_!!"

The former Chosen gaped at him in dumb awe. This wasn't like him at all! This anger, this - he didn't even know what the hell it was - but it wasn't Lloyd. He narrowed his eyes and swatted the knife out of Lloyd's hand. He then grabbed his arm and twisted it away from his neck, locking his head in place with the other arm.

"Sorry," he said, "it's for your own good."

"Let me go!!" cried Lloyd, squirming in his grip.

"Lloyd," said Zelos sternly, "do you realize what the hell you're doing!?"

"I... I..."

"Just calm down. Everything's fine. No one’s trying to take Colette away from you."

Lloyd stopped resisting, staring off into the wall. What the hell _had_ he been doing? Did he really...

"Lloyd. _Trust me_."

"Zelos..." he swallowed. "I... I'm sorry... I don't know what's..."

Zelos sighed and carefully let him go. "Geez, Bud, you scared the shit out of me!" He placed a hand on his friend's shoulder and continued. "But seriously... ever since yesterday you’ve been acting really strange. And this just proves it." He shook his head. "Let me tell you – no one wants to see you like this. Tell me what the hell’s going on."

The boy simply looked down at the floor. "...You wouldn't understand."

"What...?"

"Everyone has a purpose in life. Everyone has something that they hold on to."

"What are you talking about?"

He shrugged Zelos' hand off of his shoulder. "Maybe you’ll find yours one day, Zelos. Then you’ll understand." He headed back towards the living room. "...I'm sorry."

Zelos simply watched him leave, confused - and frightened - by his best friend's behavior.

\---

"Lloyd!?" Colette stood up and ran over to him as he exited the kitchen, "Lloyd, are you okay!?"

"I'm fine," he responded. He looked at her, a sad smile crossing his face. "I just... need to go outside for a bit. Everything's gonna be okay. I... I promise."

As he left the mansion, Zelos came back into the living room as well, with a disturbed look on his face.

"Zelos..." said Colette worriedly, "what happened? Why is Lloyd..."

"I have no idea," he replied as he rubbed his neck. "But I can tell you one thing for sure. Lloyd... he's not the same person anymore."


	6. Bloodlust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Lloyd begins to question his newfound strength, a chance encounter sets in motion a tragic series of events.

Colette couldn't believe her ears. "Zelos," she said, "what are you talking about? Lloyd isn't the same anymore?" She twisted her fingers. "But... Lloyd will always be Lloyd... right?"

"To tell the truth," Zelos replied, shaking his head, "I'm not so sure anymore. Ever since yesterday he's been all out of sorts... all gloomy and depressed... talking to things that weren't even there..." he frowned and absently touched his neck again. "It's not like him at all. Something's seriously wrong with him."

A knot formed in the girl's stomach at the thought of her dear friend's suffering. "Is it... is it my fault...?"

Of course, he knew the reason. The events of the previous day involving her and Tybalt had obviously wounded Lloyd incredibly deeply. However, the last thing he wanted to do was upset Colette further. "No," he answered after some hesitation, "of course not."

His answer didn't seem to comfort Colette as she took a seat on the sofa. She swallowed hard. "It scares me, Zelos... it scares me that he's acting so strange. I’m afraid that I’ll lose the Lloyd I know, and... and..." She clenched her eyes shut, desperately holding back tears. "I don’t even want to think about what would happen!"

Zelos looked at the pitiful girl before him, wondering if that idiot had any idea what he was doing to her. He sat down beside her, placing a comforting arm around her shoulders.

"Colette," he said, "you really like Lloyd a lot, don't you?"

Her face instantly turned pink. "I... y-yes..."

The older man smiled. "See? I was right all along!" He playfully shook Colette's shoulders. "I always know when love is in the air!"

"Zelos!" Colette cried, her cheeks reddening even more.

"Sorry, sorry," said Zelos. He moved his arm to give her a pat on the head. "Just trying to cheer you up, that's all."

Colette said nothing as she scrubbed at her face. Zelos placed his hands behind his head and sighed.

"To be perfectly honest," he said, his tone quickly turning serious, "it scares me, too. Lloyd is - he's like the little brother I never had. He helped me to really trust people again, something I hadn’t been able to do since I was a kid." He narrowed his eyes. "For that... I owe him my life. So I'm sure as hell not going to abandon him when he needs our help!"

The girl looked at him. "Zelos..." she wiped her tears with her sleeve. "You're right... Lloyd's always been there for me. He comforted me. He protected me." She smiled a little as she continued. "But most of all... he accepted me for who I was. He didn't care that I was the Chosen." She stood up and clasped her hands together. "That's why we have to do whatever we can to help him!"

Zelos grinned. "That's the spirit!" He stood up and headed for the door. "We should start by looking for him. If he isn't being watched... who knows what kind of mess he could get himself into."

Colette nodded and followed her friend out into the streets. She was still afraid - a dark dread still gripped at her heart for the boy she loved - but she was determined to do everything in her power to save him. Silently she prayed - for him, for herself - but most of all, she prayed that Lloyd wouldn't leave her behind.

\---

He didn't recognize the street he was on. He didn't care much to. Silent and pensive, Lloyd walked along, his eyes focused on nothing but the cobblestone path beneath him.

He never thought he'd do something like this. He never thought he could ever feel so much _anger_ towards someone. And yet, here he was, ambling along the streets of Meltokio, trying to figure out the reason why he would attack his own friend so maliciously. Something was changing inside of him - and he knew it.

"What was I _thinking_?" he mumbled to himself. "I wanted to hurt Zelos... I wanted to _kill_ him...!"

"What's wrong with that?"

Lloyd let out a gasp as the voice pulled him out of his reverie. Walking alongside him was his vision - the doppelganger that he wasn't even sure was real.

"It's you..."

The double looked Lloyd in the eye. "You did what you had to do. He tried to take your Colette away from you." His gaze turned into a glare. "Tell me - is that not a crime worthy of death?"

The boy placed a hand on his forehead. "B-but Zelos is my friend! I couldn’t just -"

"You should know by now that you can’t trust anybody." The other growled, his glare piercing through Lloyd like a dagger. "Not even your so called 'friends'. You know Zelos. You know he's nothing but a dishonest pervert. He'd sleep with every woman he met if he had the chance - he uses them and tosses them aside when he's done." His face softened as he tauntingly continued, "What if _she_ was next? You couldn't _bear_ to see that, could you?"

The mere thought made Lloyd's stomach turn, his whole being gripped by fear and disgust. But Zelos wouldn't do that to her... he wouldn't do that to _him_... would he...?

Suddenly, he felt himself walking into something large, causing him to stumble onto the ground. He rubbed his head, disoriented, until a booming voice startled him back into reality.

"Hey, watch where the hell you’re going, why don’t you!?"

Lloyd looked up to see Tybalt Mercutio's angry face looming over him. The man tilted his head, getting a good look at the boy's face. He snarled.

"You!" He grabbed Lloyd by his collar and pulled him up towards his face. "You're the idiot who decked me yesterday! I ought to kill you, you damn punk!!"

The swordsman had no time to even think before a fist connected with his face. Then another, and another, until he could have sworn he felt blood dribbling out of his nose and mouth. Tybalt simply grinned.

"Looks like you can’t do a goddamn thing without your pansy-ass friend around," he laughed before throwing Lloyd onto the ground and proceeding to kick him in the shoulders and the back. When he finished, he stomped on him, digging his heel into the dazed boy's stomach.

"Listen up, boy," growled Tybalt, "Listen good. I hate all you heroic types. I used to be like you pieces of shit. You can’t be standing up for a no-good she-bitch. If you try to play the nice guy, she’ll only use you in the end."

Lloyd slowly began to come to his senses, his eyelids fluttering as he tried to sit up. But a swift kick in the head from Tybalt had him back on the ground again.

" _Pay attention_ , idiot!!" he yelled. "Trust me when I say this – the only way to get a woman is to control her before she can control you. That’s what taking your rightful place as the real man is all about!" He knelt down and pulled up Lloyd's head by the hair. "Are you listening to me!? I asked you a _question_ , dipshit!!" He slapped him once, dropping the swordsman's head again after determining that he was out cold. He scoffed.

" _Pathetic_ ," spat Tybalt, standing up and prodding Lloyd with his foot.

 _Lloyd..._

The voice echoed through the silence, reaching him as he barely clung to his last shred of consciousness.

 _Lloyd... are you going to let him say those things about her?_

Lies. All lies. He _disgraced_ her, spreading filthy, evil lies.

 _Colette is this one you live for. She’s the one you fight for._

He couldn't let him get away. He _wouldn't_ let him get away.

 _To insult the very reason you exist... to mar the name of the only good this world has to offer... is unforgivable...!_

Suddenly, his eyes shot open, focused on Tybalt, an unholy wrath burning within them. The man smiled.

"Oh, so you are awake, huh?" he flung his jacket around his shoulders and turned away. "Well, I didn’t want to leave before telling you this: next time I see that blonde bitch, she'll be next."

He had barely stepped away from the injured boy before he felt something plunge into his back. He looked down in shock and saw the tip of a blade, dripping with his own blood. Before he could cry out, he felt a gloved hand grab his head and pull it backwards. The last thing he heard before the life drained out of him was Lloyd's menacing voice growling into his ear.

"No," he said, "not before I kill you...!!"

Lloyd pulled the sword out of Tybalt, watching his body fall to the ground. His breath was heavy as he stared intently at the corpse. For a moment, a heavy silence enveloped the scene as reality came to a standstill.

Then, he smiled.

"I... I did it..." He let out a short laugh as he held his bloody blade before him. "So this is what it's like... to be a protector...!"

He approached the body, looking upon his reflection in the pool of blood beneath him. Then, in a fit of crazed triumph, he began to stab the corpse, again and again, his wild eyes widening and his laughter rising with each new wound. The bastard who dared to cross his path, who dared to sully the person he loved - never again would he cause her to suffer! Never again would he try to take her away! And it was Lloyd who saved her - would continue to save her - it was he who would never let her down again...!

He thrust his sword into the corpse one last time, satisfied with the bloody mess of flesh he had carved from it. With bloodstained hands, he gripped the blade's handle tightly, twisting it into the ground.

"Colette," he laughed, "Colette, this is for you!! These bastards aren’t good enough for you... this world isn't good enough for you...!!" He twisted the weapon harder, eager to watch his victim bleed. "I'll destroy them - I'll destroy them all - _I'll never let you suffer again_!!"

He cackled uncontrollably as he tore through the side of Tybalt's stomach, a gush of fresh blood and entrails spilling out and gathering around the swordsman's feet. However, his enjoyment was interrupted by the sound of two voices.

"Colette, I told you to stay back!"

"No! Lloyd might be in trouble!"

"I said -"

The two Chosens froze as they came across the horrific scene. Colette put her hands to her mouth and quickly turned away, unable to suppress the urge to vomit at the sight. Zelos simply looked on in horror, trying to comprehend what had just happened.

Lloyd looked at his friends, a dark terror creeping across his face. He looked down at the body.

"W...what have I..."

He dropped his sword and screamed, grabbing at his head, no longer able to stand the sight of the man he murdered.


	7. Devotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Lloyd's guilt only hastens his descent into madness, who will be there to save him - the demons within him, or the angel he loves?

The next few hours or so went by like a dream; as if Lloyd's reality had completely shattered in favor of the nightmare he had harbored in his own mind. However, the weight of what he had done seemed far too real to be a nightmare - not even his worst nightmares could have ended this way. He had killed an innocent person. He killed them in cold blood. He was a criminal. He was a _murderer_.

His own realizations made him uncontrollably shake with fear as he curled himself up on Zelos' couch. The older Chosen was with him, watching him closely and doing his best to keep his best friend calm.

"Lloyd," he said, placing his hands on the boy's shoulders, "calm down. You're shaking again."

He stayed silent, his shuddering growing more and more violent. Zelos simply sighed.

"I guess it's useless telling you that now, huh?" he said sadly. "Goddammit. If only we’d found you earlier..."

Lloyd began to to scratch at his head, mumbling something incoherent to himself, cracking under the torment of his own thoughts. Zelos saw this and grabbed his hands.

"Stop that," he said sternly, "you'll hurt yourself."

"I deserve to."

"No you don't. Look, everything's gonna turn out okay," Zelos said half-heartedly. Truth be told, he wasn't even sure if anything was going to turn out all right after this. He looked at the bruises on Lloyd's face. "I guess Tybalt whacked you around pretty good, didn't he? When the time comes, we'll just plea self-defense at His Majesty's court." He smiled hopefully. "It's the truth, right? You'd never just go out and kill somebody for -"

"You don't know me!!"

"Don't even _start_ talking like that!" said the redhead angrily, "If anybody around here knows you, it’s me. You wouldn't go around killing people like that - it's not you!"

"Zelos," said Lloyd weakly, hugging his legs to his chest, "I _killed_ him. I killed someone who had nothing to do with me." He buried his head into his knees. "I _wanted_ to kill him. I _enjoyed_ killing him. I’m... I'm a monster...!"

 

Zelos stared at the broken boy in disbelief. This kid had saved him - he had saved countless of people - how could this have happened? Furthermore, why did it have to happen to _Lloyd_? He stood up and sighed once more.

"Just... to hell with it. I’m breaking out the absinthe," he said, walking towards the kitchen. "I’ll pour you a glass, too. Maybe it’ll help you chill out."

Lloyd didn't bother to watch him leave. He could feel his head throbbing from his earlier confrontation and from every thought that screamed in his head. Killer, murderer, criminal - he couldn't be forgiven. He didn't deserve to be forgiven.

"A criminal? Do you really think so?"

He glanced up to see his doppelganger looming over him. He panicked, scurrying to the other side of the couch, desperate to get away from this _thing_ he couldn't even call real.

"Y-you... go away..." he pleaded, gripping the fabric of the couch tightly, "Leave me alone...!"

The image simply leaned closer, looking through Lloyd with dead eyes. "You did what you had to do. If that despicable pervert hadn’t died, who knows what he would have done to Colette?"

"But - but I killed him! I killed him with my own two hands!!"

"So what?" The other placed his face dangerously close to Lloyd's. "You’ve killed countless of Desians who got in your way – all so you could protect your precious Colette from having to be sacrificed!" He smiled. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

In a fit of terror, Lloyd grabbed a lamp from the nearby end table and began to swing at the being before him. However, to his horror and astonishment, the lamp simply passed right through him. He froze, dropping the lamp to the ground.

"Who... who are you...!?"

Chuckling to himself, the image stood up and began to speak. "You fool. Isn’t it obvious? I’m everything you’ve ever wanted to be. I’m the one who can give you the strength you’ve always desired. I’m the protector, the warrior, the keeper of the truth which you’ve kept hidden from yourself for so long. There’s nothing in this world you want more than to live peacefully with the one you love until the end of your days." He walked to the back of the sofa and placed his hands on Lloyd's shoulders, startling him when he realized he couldn't even feel his touch. "But... So many calamities have befallen her. So much pain and suffering has come between you and the one dream that keeps you alive. And it’s all the fault of this pathetic, forsaken world!"

Beads of sweat rolled down the petrified boy's face and neck, new ones forming at each sentence the other spoke.

The doppelganger gently continued. "Lloyd... this is the fate for which you were born - to create a world with no pain. A world where nobody can take Colette away from you. A world just for the two of you. Together, we can make that dream possible. Together, we can judge this wicked world with our own hands. You can keep her by your side, Lloyd, and I can help you." He leaned in once again, whispering in Lloyd's ear. "Well?"

Lloyd yelled and leapt off of the couch, dashing up the stairs, not bothering to look back at his reflection. This wasn't what he wanted - none of this was what he wanted! He didn't want to hurt anybody, he didn't want to be terrified of his own mind; all he wanted was to be with her... all he wanted was to not be alone...

He leaned against the wall at the top of the stairs, catching his breath. He was teetering on the edge. He was about to break down, giving into this excruciating madness that was brewing within his own head. However, he heard a muffled sob coming from the room next door, and instantly recognized who it was.

Slowly, Lloyd walked over to the door, reaching for the handle. No. He couldn't go inside - he had no right to. He wanted to open the door and comfort Colette. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and tell her that everything was going to be all right. But he couldn't. Not after everything he had done. He lowered his hand and turned to walk away.

"Lloyd..."

He froze.

"It's you, isn't it?"

The boy hung his head in shame, unable to answer her.

"Why did you do it, Lloyd?" she asked tearfully. "Was it... because of me?"

Lloyd leaned against the door and slumped into a sitting position.

"It's my fault... if I hadn't let him do that to me... you wouldn't have..."

"No!" he cried, "You're wrong! This wasn't your fault! It was..." He glanced down at his hands, clenching them tightly. "It was mine!"

Silence came from behind the door. Lloyd continued.

"I thought I could be the one to protect you. I wanted to keep you safe with me." He began to tremble, a tear rolling down his cheek and into his lap. "I wanted it... I wanted it so badly... I hurt Zelos... and I - I killed an innocent person..." The weight of his guilt finally realized, he drew his knees up to his chest, holding them tightly like a scared child. "But now... now I could never be good enough for you. I'm a murderer. I don't deserve someone like you." He finally broke down into loud sobs, his spirit completely shattered. "I don't deserve to be alive...!!"

Colette listened as he confided his feelings to her - his love, his hatred, this guilt and mania that had buried itself deep inside of him... she opened the door and threw her arms around him, just barely containing her own tears.

"I believe in you," she said. "The Lloyd I know wouldn't do this. The person I saw murder that man - that wasn't the real you."

Lloyd lifted his head, looking back at the girl.

"You've done so much for me," she continued, placing her cheek between his shoulder blades. "You saved me. Because of you, I could finally live for myself. So now... I'm going to save you. I'll save you, Lloyd - I promise."

Her words began Lloyd's tears anew. He lowered his head and grabbed her hands, clinging to them desperately, as if the fear and the hatred and the madness would return the moment he let her go. He had always needed Colette - but now, he needed her more than ever.

"Colette," he quietly pleaded, "please... help me..."


	8. Desperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Lloyd begins to fight the voices and hallucinations, will the others be able to find the root of the insanity that threatens to overtake him before it's too late?

A cup of tea had been placed on the nightstand next to Lloyd's bed. It was chamomile, and according to Colette, it was supposed to help him calm down. He never even touched it, however - the knot in his stomach was far too tight to allow for an appetite. Instead, Lloyd watched as the tea became cold, listening to the angry set of voices coming from downstairs.

"Are you out of your minds!?" yelled Zelos, "Just who the hell do you think you are, barging into the Chosen’s house and demanding to question his best friend like this!?" Another voice murmured an inaudible question before he continued. "Like hell I will! He’s not even in his right mind! You’ll just freak him out even more!"

Lloyd flopped down on the bed, covering his head with a pillow, hoping to drown out what was happening around him. He had enough on his mind without having to listen to the argument beneath him. He tried to make sense of everything... why did it have to come to this? He didn't understand. He knew he wasn't crazy - at least, he wasn't supposed to be. But now he was hearing things, seeing things, thinking thoughts that weren't even his own... or were they his own? Perhaps, he thought, these thoughts of anger, of paranoia, of violent, unspeakable urges were always there, locked away deep inside of him, lying dormant, waiting to be unleashed. Why else would he have done such a terrible things? He said it was to protect Colette - but that was no excuse. The thought that he might have always wanted to kill others terrified him; the thought that this _monster_ was the real Lloyd Irving shook him to his very core.

He uncovered his head and looked around, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His eyes were red and his face was weary, worn down by the onslaught of every negative thought that raced through his mind. Who was he? A gentle idealist? A cold-blooded killer? Or, perhaps, he was simply a scared little boy, afraid of loosing everything he had ever held dear...

Lloyd startled. His reflection smirked back at him. "What's the matter?" it taunted, "Giving up already?"

Not again, not here - that thing that made him kill, that image of himself he so desperately wanted to keep away was back to terrorize him. He stepped away from the mirror, however, the image stood still, glowering menacingly at him.

"Did you already forget what you’ve set out to do? To purge this world of anybody who would harm Colette?" The other frowned. "You should be ashamed of yourself."

"Shut up."

"A coward like you doesn’t deserve to live if they can’t even protect the person they love!"

"Shut up."

"Unforgivable! Running away from yourself like the spineless little urchin you are!" The person in the mirror slammed his hands on the glass, as if trying to break through the glass and into reality. "You make me _sick_!!"

" _Shut up_!!" Lloyd cried as he covered his ears and shut his eyes. "Go away... leave me alone... I’m sick of you!!"

"Cowardice won’t get you anywhere!! The only way to end this pain is to kill them all!!"

The boy grabbed the mirror with both hands. "I'm not a murderer!!" He shook it violently, trying to make the image go away. "To kill innocent people for no reason... that’s... that’s no better than what Mithos did!!"

The reflection began to laugh. However, it was not his own voice that he heard. A chill went down Lloyd's spine as each cruel cackle echoed in his ears. Then, in the blink of an eye, he remembered where he had heard this voice before.

Inside the mirror stood not the image of Lloyd, but the wicked figure of Mithos Yggdrasill laughing at him.

\---

One drink - that was all Zelos wanted right now. After dealing with his clearly disturbed friend and the King's knights who wanted to take him away for questioning, the red-head wanted to simply take a break from the day's unfortunate events. Colette sat next to him, anxiously twisting her fingers, as Zelos grabbed his shot glass and began to take a drink.

"Zelos..."

He lowered the glass before it could reach his lips. "Yeah? What's up?"

"I don't know if I can do it..."

"Do what?" he asked as he raised an eyebrow at the young girl.

Colette shook her head and glanced down at her lap. "He asked me to help him... he wanted me to save him..." She then looked back at her friend. "He needs help - _my_ help - and I don't know if I can -"

She was interrupted by a loud crash from upstairs, followed by a dull thud. Zelos shot out of his seat, dropping the shot glass on the floor in the process.

" _Shit_!" he cried before running up the staircase as fast as his legs could take him. In a panic, Colette followed him, rushing into the room where Lloyd had been resting. Inside, they found the boy lying motionless on the floor, blood trickling from his forehead onto the shattered mirror beneath him.

"No...!" gasped Colette. She knelt beside Lloyd and desperately shook him. "Lloyd! Lloyd...!!"

Zelos joined her and placed a hand on his forehead, casting a quick First Aid to stop the bleeding. "Dammit, I _knew_ he was gonna hurt himself...!"

"Lloyd," said the girl with tears in her eyes, "I’m sorry... if I had been with you, you’d –"

"We don't have time for that!" Zelos snapped at her, heading straight for the doorway. "You’ve got your angel strength or whatever! Get him to bed - I’ll go call for help!"

Colette listened as the older man darted down the stairs. Summoning up her courage and the power of her Cruxis Crystal, she began to carry Lloyd to his bed.

\---

Genis' eyes widened. "What!? A murder!?"

"Yes... at least, that was what I heard," replied Raine, furrowing her brow in thought. The two half-elves walked the streets of Meltokio together, headed for the Chosen's mansion where they had heard that three of their friends were staying.

The younger boy looked up at his sister. "So what happened?"

"A guard told me that a man was brutally stabbed to death near the entrance to the sewers. They say they have a suspect, however..."

"Man," sighed Genis, "of all the times for a murder to happen, it _had_ to be right when we were visiting our friends."

Raine shot a glare at her brother, slightly annoyed by his characteristic candid response. "It's rather unfortunate," she said as she reached for the door knocker, "But if the murderer is still at large, we can’t be too careful."

Before she had a chance to knock, the door swung open. Inside was Zelos, looking rather disheveled and panicked.

"Surprise!" said Genis with a grin, "It's us!"

Zelos frowned. "Sorry guys, we’ve got a bit of an issue."

"Issue?" asked the professor. Suddenly, she felt the man grab her arm and yank her inside.

"Just get in here!"

\---

"He _what_!?"

"You're lying!! Lloyd would never do something like that...!"

Raine and Genis stared at the unconscious Lloyd on the bed before them, their eyes wide with disbelief at the story their friends had to tell. Zelos explained the situation to them as Colette stood by Lloyd's side, placing a cool towel on his forehead.

"That's what we thought, too," said Zelos, occasionally taking a glance back at the boy. "But when we found him, he was stabbing a corpse, covered in blood..."

Genis shook his head violently. "It's not true... Colette, it's not true, right? Lloyd didn't really kill that person... did he...?"

Colette simply lowered her head, brushing stray hairs out of Lloyd's face. Genis felt a hand touch his shoulder.

"Genis," said the Professor, the gloom that surrounded the group showing itself in her face, "Leave her alone." She looked at Zelos again. "This must have been a great shock for you all... I - I find it hard to believe myself."

"That wasn't Lloyd."

All eyes turned to the blonde Chosen, who looked back at them resolutely. Zelos narrowed his eyes.

"Colette, what are you talking about? Of course it was him! None of us want it to be, but -"

"It wasn’t him! He may have done it… but it wasn’t the real Lloyd!" She clutched the fabric of her dress where her heart was. "Something must have made him this way! I’m sure of it!"

At her words, Raine walked over to the other side of the bed, carefully inspecting Lloyd's limp form for any abnormalities. "You may be right, Colette," she said, "Such a sudden change in behavior more than likely has an external cause..."

Genis nodded. "Yeah. I believe in Lloyd! This isn't something he'd just do of his own free will!"

Zelos scratched his chin. "Ever since he got here, he was acting strange. But by the time we did something about it, it was too late." He crossed his legs in his chair and turned back to the others. "Something’s definitely fishy about this whole ordeal."

The older woman continued to examine her former pupil, hoping for anything that might give them a clue. When she found it, she gasped.

"Sis?" Genis raced over to the bedside. "What is it!?"

"His exsphere..." she said as he lifted Lloyd's limp hand, "it's gone completely black!"

The younger boy and the two Chosens stared at a sight they had never seen before - Lloyd's exsphere, which normally glowed a rich, blue color, had indeed turned pitch black, a murky, cloudy void swirling within it. The benevolent presence that once radiated from had suddenly become dark and menacing, as if something had invaded that did not belong.

Colette touched the exsphere with her fingertips. "Professor, what does this mean?"

Raine frowned. "I don't know. This has never happened before." She turned the swordsman's hand over. "But it does prove one thing. Whatever is happening to Lloyd’s psychological state... isn’t something natural."


	9. Weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thrust into a world deep within his soul, Lloyd is faced with an agonizing onslaught of guilt and nightmares.

_A weakling who isn't strong enough to fight..._

 _A coward who can't bring himself to face the truth..._

 _A failure who can't protect the one he loves..._

 _...Should never have been born at all._

\---

Lloyd slowly awoke to the sound of crashing thunder and the overwhelming stench of wet earth. Raindrops pounded onto his body, stinging him like millions of needles falling from the sky. The swordsman knew he had ended up outside... but _how_?

Although his limbs felt heavy and his vision was blurry, Lloyd had to figure out where he was. He moved his fingers and felt them digging into the soft ground as he pushed himself up. Wiping the mud from his face, he looked at his surroundings. He was shocked by what he saw; these trees, this path, these hills - they were all too familiar to him. This was his home. This was Iselia Forest.

"How did I...?" he muttered to himself. Suddenly, he heard a piercing, inhuman screech. The boy turned around, his hands instinctively reaching for his swords, only to see the silhouette of a human figure lingering near a cliff. A flash of lightning revealed the figure to be that of a woman, beaten and bloodied, about to topple over the edge.

The woman on the cliff aroused Lloyd's memories... painful memories, comforting memories, memories he had not recalled since he was a small boy. Memories of love and lullabies. Memories of the part of himself he had long since lost. Memories of fear... of loss... of falling...

It made no sense. There was no way this could have been happening. However, Lloyd had no time to comprehend what he was seeing before instinct took over. He cried out, dashing towards the woman, leaping for her hand and catching it just as she toppled over the cliff's edge.

"Mom!!" he cried, holding on to his mother's hand harder than he had ever held on to anything in his life, "Mom... it's me... I'll -" he felt her hand slipping away from him before grabbing her arm with his other hand, "I'll save you!! _I won't let you die_!!"

Lloyd desperately tried to pull her back onto solid ground, his desire to save the mother he lost running through every muscle in his body. But the woman wouldn't budge - instead, she continued to slip away, smiling up at her son the entire time.

That was when he met eyes with a young boy, clutching helplessly to his mother's bosom. The mother and child slipped from Lloyd's fingers and fell into the endless abyss below.

He stared into the chasm in horror, his arm limping weakly over the edge of the cliff. Time stood still around him as he laid speechless on the muddy ground, the wounds of his failures tearing open wider than ever before. Not even now - not even _now_ , when he was older, stronger, faster - could he save his mother. Not even now could he save himself from the guilt, the loneliness, the emptiness that had plagued him for fifteen years.

"Mom," he muttered, the rain washing tears away from his face, "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

He finally glanced up, his eyes focusing on a dark cloud forming in the sky. Smoke. There was a fire... and Lloyd knew exactly where it was burning.

Running through the wet path as hard as his legs could take him, he headed towards Iselia. The smoke grew thicker and thicker as he came closer and closer to the town. Finally, he reached the gates, where he beheld a sight that robbed him of whatever breath he had left.

"No..." he said shakily, "No... not again... not again...!!"

He saw Desians rounding up a group of townspeople. He saw a man being stabbed for resisting arrest. He saw a mother held hostage with her crying daughter, watching helplessly as their home burned to the ground. He saw the same fire, the same destruction, the same horrors he had witnessed not even a year before. Lloyd began to boil over with rage.

"Damn you..." He drew his swords and turned towards a group of Desians. " _Damn you_!!" He charged at them, violently slicing at them with all of his strength. However, he was shocked to see that his blades simply passed right through their bodies. He charged again, shouting obscenities at his enemies, only to find them, once again, completely unscathed. Despite this, Lloyd was prepared to attack the Desians again in his fit of anger, only to be stopped by the hand of a large creature, tossing him into the wall of a nearby building.

When he recovered from the attack, he looked up to see an Exbula, writhing and screaming in pain. At the sight of the creature's suffering, Lloyd stepped out of the rubble and approached it.

"Marble..." he said, reaching out to the monster, "It's me... I can - I can save you! I can save everyone! I can... I..."

Marble swung her monstrous arm at the boy again, sending him flying into a tree. Helpless, hopeless, as weak and limp as a torn rag doll, he lay dazed as the town he couldn't save burned before him. The nightmare of reliving his worst fears and deepest guilt began to destroy him, more so than the edge of any blade or the wrath of any beast. There had to be someone - _someone_ he wouldn't have to let down... someone that wouldn't leave him all alone...

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a glimpse of salvation from his personal hell. By the burning buildings, unscathed by the smoke and flames, stood Colette, looking into the fire, her hands folded gracefully behind her back. She was there. She was okay. He could still save her - he could still protect her - he could still keep her by his side, where she would forever stay to heal him of his loneliness.

Lloyd painfully limped over to her, draping his arms over her shoulders, holding her as if he was holding the single most precious object in the whole world. He choked back a sob as he rested his weary head upon her shoulder.

"Colette..." he croaked, "Colette... I... I couldn't save Mom... I couldn't save the village..." He tightened his grip. "But I'll protect you... I'll save you... I'll never abandon you..." He placed a hand on top of her head, his gloved fingers shaking, entangled in the girl's golden hair. "I love you... I love you so much... I'd - I'd do anything for you... I'll never let you leave me again!!"

The broken swordsman felt his love's arms embrace him. He looked down at her smiling face, hope glimmering brightly in his eyes.

"That's right..." he said, "You still love me, don't you'll? You'll - you'll let me be the one to protect you, right?" He smiled. "And then... everything will be okay... won't it...?"

He closed his eyes as Colette reached up to cup his face. Her touch was his healing elixir - the promise that she would love him and take all of the pain away. Lloyd knew he was a failure, too weak to be anything to anyone... but as long as she was there, none of that would matter anymore...

...Then the warmth of her hand vanished. Lloyd could only watch as his last hope slipped from his fingers, disappearing into the flames.

"Colette..." He fell to his knees. "No..."

The world around him shattered as he began to fall, screaming into the abyss, plummeting into the vast reaches of darkness.

\---

" _First Aid_."

As she finished her spell, Raine placed her hand upon Lloyd's forehead. Colette looked on from behind her.

"Professor," she asked, "how is he?"

The older half-elf shook her head. "I’ve managed to heal the wound on his forehead and control the bruising in his brain. In other words, she should wake up." She removed her hand, replacing it with a fresh, wet towel. "But, somehow, something is preventing him from regaining consciousness."

A shadow crept across Colette's face. She knelt beside Lloyd, tenderly touching his cheek. "Lloyd... please, wake up... No matter what you've done... we still love you..." The tears that were forming in her eyes began to spill onto the bed. "I... I still..." Her uncontrollable sobbing prevented her from finishing.

The Professor looked on, grieving for the unfortunate boy and the girl who cared for him the most in her own, silent way. She could only imagine the kind of burden these events had placed on the two. But she knew, whether by logic or merely intuition, that Lloyd was not entirely responsible for his actions. As she gazed at the darkened exsphere on his left hand, she began to put the pieces together: if this gem contained the soul of Lloyd's mother, then could the contamination be a result of...

...Of course, there was no way that could happen - at least, she hoped that it wasn't the case.


	10. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even in the darkest abyss, there lies the truth. Must he really fight to be loved? Or was he already?

So this was what it was like to die. Or perhaps he would have preferred death to this.

At the end of the abyss was simply darkness - the darkness that lived within his soul. The darkness that thrived upon his pain, his guilt, and all of his fears. The darkness that only grew with each passing moment. This was loneliness; that starvation, that hunger for love and affection that Lloyd was so desperate to keep at bay.

He couldn't move. Why would he try? There was no way to keep the ones he loved with him. He was too weak. He had tried to save them; he tried to deserve their love. But now, he knew, it was all for naught. His friends, his family... his mother... Colette... they were all better off without him. Now he could only wait - wait for death to come and punish him for his weakness.

Suddenly, the sound of clanging metal pierced through the darkness. Lloyd looked up to see two swords - his swords - laying before him. What did it mean? What were they trying to tell him? He stood and picked them up, gazing at his reflection within the blades.

Perhaps this was the answer. Stronger. He had to become stronger, stronger than the little boy who couldn't save his mother - stronger than the clueless child who kept failing the girl he loved most. Somehow, some way, he needed more power; then he could finally defeat his loneliness for good. Then he could finally deserve to live.

Summoning all of his strength, he began to cut through the darkness. He didn't know what he was searching for, but he wouldn't stop until he found something - _anything_ \- that could save him. Something to make him stronger; someone to show him the way; someone who would heal him, care for him... someone who would love him...

...But there was nothing. No matter how hard he tore into the darkness, Lloyd was completely and utterly alone. He fell to his knees.

"Help me..." he whispered, trying his hardest to keep the tears from flowing, "Mom... Dad... Colette... anyone... please..."

As the world around him exploded into a brilliant white light, he thought he heard someone whispering back to him.

 _Must you always fight to be loved?_

\---

Lloyd awoke with a start.

"W-what..." he said as he frantically looked around. The darkness was gone, replaced by... his room? At his father's house in Iselia? At least, it looked like his room - something was slightly different about it.

He rolled over in his bed. There was another pillow. Someone else was sleeping here. Then he turned the other way to see a nightstand with a vase of bright purple flowers on top. But there was something else that caught Lloyd's attention - a series of framed pictures; pictures he had never even seen before. He sat up, taking the first of the pictures in his hand.

A wedding. A bride and groom, standing near an outdoor altar, smiling down at each other... that was when he noticed their faces - this was his and Colette's wedding. But _how_? He never remembered any of this...!

He looked at the other pictures. Him and Colette at Altamira. Him and his father remodeling their house. Him, Regal, Genis, and Zelos at a dinner party. He had no recollection of any of these events, but one thing about these pictures caught Lloyd's attention. In every single one... he was happy. His friends and family were happy. Even Colette was happy - and they were all with him. Why would he deserve something like that? What did he ever do to make them so...

"Good morning, Honey!"

Lloyd sat the picture down and turned towards the door. There stood the unmistakable figure of Colette, the morning sun lighting up her face through the window. She smiled at him.

"Colette," the boy asked, "what's - I don't..."

Colette giggled. "Breakfast is almost ready," she said. "Come downstairs before it gets cold!"

As she shut the door, Lloyd could only stare. None of this made any _sense_! He could never deserve her like this... not after all he'd done...

He then noticed a hanger on the doorknob. On it was a set of familiar clothes - the clothes his father had made for him. Somehow, he felt, someone wanted him to get dressed; someone was trying to tell him that he needed to face... whatever kind of reality this was. So he sat up and climbed out of bed, taking the clothes from the hanger and putting them on. When he finished, he opened the door and went down the stairs.

" _Surprise!!_ "

At the bottom of the staircase, Lloyd was greeted by a crowd of familiar faces; his friends. His family. Genis and Raine, Zelos and Sheena, Regal and Presea, Colette, Dirk, and even Kratos, who was supposed to be gone forever on Derris-Kharlan, were all there, huddled around a perfectly baked birthday cake with the words "Happy birthday Lloyd" written on it. He looked at his companions. He looked at the cake. His eyes widened in disbelief.

"W-what the... this isn't right! It's not even my -"

"Don't be stupid, Lloyd!" said Sheena with a smile. "It's your twenty-second birthday. You didn't forget _again_ , did you?"

He _knew_ this was wrong. He was only eighteen! And these people, the people he had let down so many times - why were they here? This had to be a dream. It had to be.

Genis broke Lloyd out of his trance by grabbing his arm and dragging him to the table. "Don't just stand there! Are you going to eat your cake or not?"

A wave of terror hit the swordsman as he sat down. This couldn't be real. This had to be a hallucination - a hallucination, just like the voices and the other him and the vision of Mithos in the mirror. He didn't deserve this. It had to be a lie.

"...Lloyd?" asked Zelos, placing a hand on his friend's shaky shoulder, "Hey, man, what's wrong?"

" _Go away!!_ "

The others jumped as Lloyd pushed his friend away.

"Stop it... go away..." he buried his face in his hands. "You're not real. You couldn't be..." he let out a muffled sob before continuing. "Not after... not after everything I've done...!"

"What are you talking about?" Genis stepped towards him. "You're my best friend! No matter what you've done - even if the whole world hated you... I'd still be there for you, like you were for me."

Lloyd glared at the boy. "I couldn't be there for anyone. Don't you get it!? You keep calling me a hero when all I've ever done is let people down!"

"Lloyd," said Raine calmly as she stood beside her brother, "You never let anyone down. You took your hopes and dreams about the future and turned them into reality." She smiled. "That's why people call you a hero."

"Why!?" Lloyd's hands balled into fists. "I wanted a world where everyone could live - but I... I _killed_ a man!"

"We all err in our lives," said Regal. "Forgiveness is being able to pardon those errors. Just as you have forgiven us for our mistakes, we, too, would forgive you for yours."

The distraught boy turned to him, tears of frustration gathering in his eyes. "How can you forgive me when I've done nothing but hurt people!?" He knocked a drinking glass off of the table. "What makes you think I deserve that!?"

The glass landed at Presea's feet, who picked it up and looked at Lloyd. "Because... you're important to us," she said as quietly as ever.

"That's right. Don't tell me you forgot about everything you've done for _us_ ," said Sheena, placing her hands on her hips. "You believed in us when we couldn't believe in ourselves."

Zelos chimed in. "You were our friend even when we didn't think we deserved any," he grinned, "just like you're doing right now. And if you think we aren't going to do the same for you, you're even more clueless than I thought!"

Lloyd's hands relaxed at the words of his friends. Was this really how they felt? His head hung low, silently trying to make sense of their encouragement. Suddenly, he felt the warmth of two hands on his head and shoulder. He turned around to see his two fathers.

"I've told ya once, and I'll tell ya again," said Dirk, "no matter what happens, this'll always be ya home. And I'll always be ya Dad."

Kratos simply smiled and ruffled his son's hair. "Your Mother would have been proud... just as I am."

"Da -" Lloyd choked on the growing lump in his throat before he could finish the word. After he had made so many mistakes and had failed so many people... to hear his parents' praise was...

That was when Colette wrapped her arms around him, resting her head in the crook of his neck.

"Lloyd," she said quietly, "please, stop lying to yourself." She gently stroked his hair, like a mother calming her crying child. "We all love you. We always will. No matter what."

A tear spilled onto her arm. Then another.

"Be happy... for me... for everyone... for _yourself_..."

Lloyd tried to speak - however, the words wouldn't come. The overwhelming emotion that was surging in his heart only fueled his tears. He felt the weight of his burdens, all of his guilt, and all of the anger he had held onto for so long disappear. How could he have forgotten such a simple truth - the truth that he was never, ever alone?

He wiped the tears from his eyes and looked up. Genis had already lit the candles on the birthday cake.

"Come on, Lloyd," he said, "it's time to make a wish!"

Lloyd looked back at Colette, who gave him a reassuring nod. Then, with a smile, he blew out the candles.

\---

Suddenly, there was light.

A bright, white light. It was all around him. However, he couldn't feel himself in this light - the only thing he was aware of was the gentle embrace of arms he couldn't see.

 _Mom...?_

He was answered not with words, but with a familiar peace. The peace he felt at his Mother's grave.

 _Mom... was it all my fault? Did you ever blame me?_

The embrace became warm - warm with his Mother's love. It was never his fault. She never blamed him. She was always there, watching over him, giving him strength when he needed it the most. Even in death, she was always with him. She had never left him alone. Now, with his Mother's blessing, he could finally let go.

 _Mom... thank you... I love you..._

\---

Night had fallen over Zelos' mansion. Most of the others had already fallen asleep. However, Colette was awake, hovering over Lloyd's bedside, just as she had that afternoon. She quietly watched over the boy, never once leaving his side, silently praying and begging for any sign of life.

"Lloyd?" she asked weakly, "Can you hear me?" She brushed a stray hair from his eyes. No response. "Don't worry... everything's going to be okay... I'll be right here..." Colette smiled painfully, failing to hide her tears. "Tomorrow morning, when you wake up... I'll make you those pancakes you love so much! You can have as many as you want... I'll even put extra syrup on them... just like..." Her smile began to waver. "Just like..."

She buried her face into his shirt, sobbing. "I'm scared... I'm so scared, Lloyd!" She clung to him tightly. "Please don't leave me... please...!"

Colette suddenly looked up. His face - his face was moving!

"Lloyd!" she cried, taking his head into her hands, "It's me! Colette! Please... answer me..."

The swordsman's face stopped twitching. She looked at him in silence.

Of course... Lloyd was fighting. He was fighting a battle with his own guilt; his own pain. He was trying to be strong... he was trying to be strong for _her_...

She ran a hand through his hair, softly kissing his forehead. He was staying strong, so she, too, had to be strong and wait. As long as he was still fighting, she would never give up on him.


	11. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armed with a newfound strength in his own truth, Lloyd makes peace with the forces that have haunted him to return to the arms of the person he loves.

When he opened his eyes, Lloyd found himself looking toward the sky above him. The sun hung lazily in the sky, surrounded by the still clouds that painted the heavens. There was no wind, no sound - simply a peaceful stillness that stretched from the cool, green grass on which he lay to beyond the clouds and into infinity.

He breathed deeply, taking in that familiar scent of oak trees, pine trees, and wildflowers that reminded him of home. Home... so that was where he was. Turning his head, he saw a large tree on a hill and a village in the distance. But was he really home this time? Or was this just...

"...Your memories," he heard a gentle voice say as a hand fell upon his forehead, "of where we used to play as children."

Lloyd tilted his head back to see Colette's smiling face looking down at him. He smiled back.

"Yeah," he replied. "We used to come here all the time - you, me, Genis..."

The girl nodded, stroking his hair affectionately. "This is your world... this is everything you've ever known, everything you've ever dreamed of. This is the place where the real "you" is born." She placed the boy's head in her lap and continued. "You've come a long way, Lloyd. You lost yourself to your fears. But now you can rebuild yourself - you can free yourself from who you used to be."

"I know." He replied, relaxing in her touch. "All of my life, there were people that I couldn't protect. My friends, my mother, my hometown... I always thought it was my fault that they left me alone. I thought I wasn't strong enough." He shut his eyes. "That's why I needed you. I needed to protect you. I needed to be your hero so you wouldn't leave me alone. But somewhere, I went wrong - I started believing lies about other people... about myself."

"You let your lies control you," added Colette, "and you lost sight of the truth."

Lloyd slowly nodded. "But now I know better. You and Mom and the others - you reminded me that I was never alone."

She shook her head, giggling. "That wasn't us, silly," she said, "you found the truth yourself; in your memories of us."

"My memories..." Yes, it was true - the truth he needed to free himself from his cycle of fear and madness had always been there in his heart, locked away by the pain of his past. Just when he thought he would lose himself forever, he recalled the love he had been given by the people in his life. It was his own memory of those who had loved him that summoned that life-changing realization - even through all of his failures and mistakes, he always had the ones he loved by his side. He grinned.

"...Yeah," he said. "I'm not afraid anymore. I know the truth now - that's what makes me strong."

"I guess you're more stubborn than I thought."

The other voice startled Lloyd. He jolted upright.

"Mithos..."

Before him stood his former enemy, his boyish face holding a bittersweet smile. He nodded.

"It was you, wasn't it?" asked Lloyd, "You were the one who told me those lies, weren’t you? Why did you...?"

"Hmm," said the boy's spirit. "Lloyd... you and I are two different people. We each chose a different path. But when I give myself up to your exsphere, I realized that, in some ways, we are alike."

Lloyd thought about this. "We both had someone we wanted to protect..."

"...And we both went to great lengths to do so." Mithos looked over his old adversary, staring into the horizon. "I thought that maybe I could make you understand; that I could force you to see the world through my eyes. But, in the end, you stayed true to your path, just like I did."

Lloyd nodded. His words surprised the swordsman; however, he believed he understood what he had been trying to do. "I do understand," he said, "what it must have been like. But, like you said, I chose my own path." His eyes lit up with determination as he continued. "I chose to believe in this world rather than loose my faith. Maybe you can't understand - maybe you don't have a reason to understand - but this is _my_ choice, and I choose to keep believing!"

Mithos chuckled. "I figured you would say that." He then turned towards the sky. "...Your friends are calling you."

"Yeah." Lloyd stood and looked upwards.

"Go. You've earned it." The other boy looked back at him. "Embrace your life. Make the most of it. You, at least, should enjoy the happiness you’ve attained."

A gust a wind suddenly disturbed the peaceful scenery. Lloyd quickly turned to see Mithos' spirit fading before his eyes.

"Mithos! Wait!"

"Under different circumstances, we could have been allies," said the specter, "I’ve accepted my loss. Now it’s time for me to see my sister again."

"That's not it!" cried Lloyd. "Someday, when it’s my turn to go... when we see each other again... you, me, and everyone who died because of us..." He made a fist over his heart, his familiar idealism laced in his words, "I swear it will all be all right between us! I promise...!"

Mithos was surprised by his enemy's promise. Nevertheless, he smiled.

"Yes. Perhaps, then, we can become friends." He vanished into thin air. " _Farewell_."

With that, Lloyd felt himself being swept off of his feet, tumbling towards the sun and through his consciousness...

\---

Morning crept through the velvet curtains, casting a thin beam of sunlight into the room where Lloyd had been laying. It crawled up the side of the bed and towards the young girl who, while diligently watching over the boy she loved, had fallen asleep by his bedside. The warmth of the sun upon her face stirred Colette, who slowly opened her eyes and sat up, looking towards Lloyd's comatose form.

Still, nothing. She reached her hand to touch his face.

"Colette?"

Professor Sage stood in the doorway, a mug of warm coffee in her hand. She looked at Colette worryingly.

"O-oh, Professor," said the girl before a yawn escaped her lips.

Raine sighed. "...I should have expected you to be here," she said as she walked over to a nearby chair to examine Lloyd. "I know you're worried about him, but you need to get some rest. You look like you've been up all night!"

"I'm fine," answered Colette with another yawn, "really."

"Listen to yourself, you're exhausted. You should go back to -"

The conversation came to a dead halt when the two noticed Lloyd's hand twitching. Then, his face began to move, his eyes struggling to open.

"He's waking up...!"

" _What!?_ " cried Genis, who, along with Zelos, came running into the room.

"He's waking up!" cried Colette. She gripped Lloyd's hand. "Lloyd! Lloyd! Please, open your eyes...!"

She then saw a set of rich, brown eyes staring back at her.

An uncontrollable smile formed on each of their faces. "Well, would you look at that?" laughed Zelos, "Good morning, Sunshine!"

Lloyd slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes. He smiled groggily. "Hey guys."

"Lloyd..." whispered Colette, tears forming in her eyes. "Lloyd!!" She suddenly tackled the boy, knocking him back onto the bed, weeping.

"C-Colette!" said Genis, "cut it out! You're gonna hurt him!"

"I'm sorry," she sobbed into his chest, "I'm so sorry... I couldn’t even do anything to help you this time... even when you said you needed me... I-I couldn't...!"

Lloyd shook his head, lifting the girl off of him and sitting up again, wiping the tears from her face. "You're wrong," he said tenderly, "You were there for me. You never abandoned me. That was the greatest thing you could have done for me." He brushed her bangs back and gently kissed her on the forehead. "You saved me. Thank you."

Colette's cheeks glowed a bright red as she felt his lips touch her skin. Then, unable to contain her love, her joy, and everything she had ever felt for him, she kissed him back, passionately bringing her lips to his own. They suddenly heard a snicker behind them.

"Aww," chortled Zelos, "now isn't that just the cutest?"

"Ewww!" cried Genis, clearly embarrassed by the whole thing, "Get a _room_ , you two!"

"Sh-shut up!" said Lloyd angrily.

Raine shook her head and stood up. "Honestly, all of you are acting like children," she said, herding the two troublemakers out of the room. "Let’s leave them alone." As she stood be the door, she looked back at Colette and Lloyd with a smile. "I'm trusting you two to _behave_ , now."

The two looked at each other as the door shut. "Wh-what do you think she meant by _that_?" asked Lloyd.

"I don't know," answered Colette. He took his left hand, on which his Exsphere had returned to its normal color. "But... you're back, right? The real you?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I'm back."

"Then..." she leaned in again. "Welcome home, Lloyd."

\---

 **The Devil's Love Song**  
 _-End-_


End file.
